I decided to share this, so that I won't forget anything that happened that week.
She was able to be brought to her home to pass away, and I'm so glad that that is where she got to be, becuase all she wanted was to be home. I was in park city with my friends Chelsie and Jesika when I got the call that she was being brought home. We packed up our stuff, and I headed straight home. I didn't even actually go home, I went straight to Grandma's house, because I felt that was were I needed to be, with my family, and with my Grammy. I got to spend a few minutes with her in her room off and on, just sitting with her. I was able to say "I love you" and she was able to say it back, and that's something I'll hold onto forever. After being there all day, at 11pm I finally decided I better get home since I hadn't been all day, and hadn't really seen Casey yet. I went into her room to say a final "Goodbye" and "I love you", and hold her hand for just a minute. When I left the house and got into my car, emtion overcame me when I realized that would be the last time I would see, or talk to her till I see her again in Heaven. I cried like a big bawling baby all the way home, I probably should have pulled over, I could hardly see the road. I cried alot over the next few days, mostly cried myself to sleep. The next morning she passed, and I didn't want to be alone, so I spent the day with Jaydale, Amanda, Kylee, Wyatt and Tayten. We didn't do anything, but hang out in the living room retelling our favorite stories and favorite things about Grandma. One of my very Favorites is when we would play Uno Attack at our sunday dinners, and Grandma would always cheat, by saying she pressed the button twice, when in fact she didn't, it became a thing since then that we would say "Hey cheater, want to play Uno?!" And she would always deny it! We spent those games with alot of laughter. Another thing I will absolutely miss is walking in her house, and hearing her oldies, indicating that she was indeed home, singing along. That familiar sound is engraved in my heart now, and when I walk in her house now I want to yell "hello!" but I know she isn't there to answere, it just seems habit.
Her Viewing was held last Sunday at Allen-Hall, and a lot of people came, for which I am glad, my Grandmother was truely loved by all. I debated on whether or not I should share that my sisters and I had the honor of doing her hair, make-up, and jewelry, but I think of it as an honor that she wanted us to do that for her for the last time, and who knew her better than us to know what she would have wanted done. Amanda always did her hair and make-up, and I sometimes got the chance to do her hair, but I probably wasn't as good at it as her. And we also got to do her nails, they were always pink! But when we did this for the last time, there was just such a peaceful feeling, and it may sound weird or even a bit scary to do this, but it wasn't like that at all. I felt honored, and peaceful, like she was there, telling us we were doing well. She honestly looked beautiful when we were finished. Joyce her best friend had the honor of putting all her temple stuff on. She looked so good, and natural. Just sleeping was all. And everyone that saw her agreed. I just can't express what an honor it was to do that for her, and I'm sure my sisters feel the same.
Her Funerl was held last Monday, at the 3rd ward New Purple Church in Wellsville. Jaydale gave her life scetch, and a few memories, and my mom spoke, and it was very nice. My mom really got to express who my grandma was. Joyce sang my Grandma's favorite song, and all of us Grandchildren got up to sing I am a Child of God. Kylee read a cute little poem she wrote herself, called "Never Gone" and Amanda and I were able to get up together and express our feelings and recall our favorite memories of Her. It was a very nice funeral, and I'm glad we were able to express our lover for Her.
I also thought whether or not I should share the dream I had of her the morning she passed away, and I might as well, I don't want to forget it, although I don't think I ever will. I was sitting in the Chair next to her bed. She was sitting up in her bed, completely awake, happy, healthy, and smiling. It was like it was summer outside, bright and warm, and the windows were open, leaving her curtains fluttering in the breeze. I never realized how much I loved the sight of this until I saw it in my dream. My Grandma was looking at me and smiling and I said "Do you want me to read to you Grandma?" She nodded her head "yes", and I pulled out the book Charles Dickens, a book I had given her for Christmas that she never got to read. And there I sat next to her, reading in the warmth and brightness. It may have just been a dream, but I hope at one point maybe she was experiencing that warmth and brightness in her final moments in her bedroom. This dream I think I will hold onto forever, because these are the last moments I would have liked to spend with her, rather than me saying goodbye and bawling all the way home.
It doesn't quite seem real yet. She is on my mind all the time though. Anywhere we go I think "Grandma should be here".
I love you Grandma, Till we meet again!
I love you Grandma, Till we meet again!
This was inside her Casket. She loved her Little Red Mustang, so it was only appropriate that this be with her!
